A Different Kind of Christmas Eve

Last night we had a different kind of Christmas Eve.  When my cousin's plans to come to California fell through due to bad weather this week we were left with slim pickings on what we could do.  Most of the plans had already been set and we really wanted to do something different.  So we went to a friend's house where every week on Wed night for the past 9-10 years there is a meditation, discussion (or guest speaker), a wonderful homecooked meal, and many close friends. 

The guest speaker was a very respected and revered Buddhist monk (from whom we have a handwritten quote on our wall in the apartment).  The theme of his talk was, "Who Am I?"   Our individual self was broken into three different worlds, which we are a part of.  There is the material world, which consists of material possessions connected to us (house, car, clothes, etc.), our jobs (lawyer, sound engineer, etc.), age, race, and other external things that define us.  There is the relational world where we are sons of mothers, siblings of siblings, employees of employers, and other relationships we cultivate.  Lastly there is the spiritual world, which consists of our imagination, sense of humor, sense of wonder, storytelling abilities, and other abstract qualities that we possess.  I think this is a very interesting breakdown of the individual, because there are so many ways to answer the question, "who are you?"  It never occurred to me how many different ways I could respond to that question.  Perhaps it's the engineer in me, but if asked I would always answer with the appropriate literal answer. 

On the day of the meditation we received an email from the organizer briefly touching on the topic at hand.  I then thought about who I am and how in my mind I am a walking contradiction.  I don't say this in a negative or positive way, but in a truthful way.  I consider myself an environmentalist, but I work in the mining industry.  I love heavy metal, but I also love jazz.  My general disposition is happy and go lucky, but many of my favorite books, movies, songs, etc. are extremely dark.  These were just a few of the realizations I had and now as I write them I think that maybe I'm not so much of a contradiction as much as a balanced person.