On entitlement

I heard a radio bit the other day that reminded me of a conversation I had a few months ago about entitlement.  The gist of the bit was that the caller was having problems with her roommate wearing inappropriate clothing when the caller's boyfriend was around.  The two arguments being made were: as your roommate please respect the fact that someone close to me is uncomfortable when he comes over OR I pay my rent here and am therefore entitled to walk around wearing whatever I want. 

I don't know about other countries, but in the US I feel there is a culture of entitlement.  It starts with kids deserving the best or doing well on something so they deserve a reward.  As kids grow up they feel like they deserve a car or cell phone.  When they reach high school and college they feel they deserve the good/better grade.  From there it perpetuates into all areas of life until we find ourselves with adults who feel they deserve or are entitled to do things just because they paid some money.  This is typical in restaurants where people feel that because they have paid for their meal they are allowed to treat the waitstaff like crap.  I'm not sure where this ends.  With the roommate situation it can go on infinitely.  I pay my rent therefore I can do anything in the apartment that is not prohibited by the lease.  Cooking smelly food first thing in the morning.  Sorry it's my right.  Not cleaning up after myself.  Deal with it.  There has to be a point at which we own up for our actions and understand that living with people is a compromise.  I know the argument can be made that it is a compromise so the roommate should be able to wear what she wants.  Fair enough maybe the compromise is is that the boyfriend will come over less or not stay as late.  If you want to be able to wander around wearing whatever (or not wearing whatever) then maybe you should live on your own.  I think it's a pretentious attitude to think that because of what you paid you are entitled to anything beyond the obvious. 

Situation vs. Opportunity

I had a discussion earlier today with a friend in which I made a comment that a situation that I'm soon to be in was an opportunity for me to step outside my comfort zone.  My friend promptly corrected me saying that until the outcome of the situation is determined it is just that: a situation.  An opportunity implies that the situation resulted in a positive outcome.  I'm not sure what we would term a situation that yields a negative outcome, but that was never discussed.

I argued that a situation or opportunity are for the most part the same thing.  I'm sure there are subtle differences (and if you can delineate the two please comment away), but I couldn't really come up with any.  In my mind every situation one is in offers the opportunity to grow through the choices we make.  The choices and how we handle the situation might yield a positive or negative outcome, but the outcome is irrelevant.  It is what we take from the outcome that matters.  If we learn or grow from the experience in any capacity then I would argue that was some positive benefit. 

For example, the loss of someone close to you in your life is clearly a negative situation.  However, that doesn't mean that it is not an opportunity to learn about the impermanence of life, the need to live in the moment, and the importance of enjoying what time we have with our friends and loved ones.  Having experienced the loss of two loved ones in a little over a year I think both the HyWy and I would agree that they were very difficult experiences, but we both grew tremendously from the experience.  I won't say that they were positive experiences, but there was definitely something positive that we took away from them. 

Whatever you feel like

By nature I'm not a very picky person.  I just go with the flow.  That doesn't mean I never do what I want, but just when I really want to do something I make it known.  In general though things are easier for me when someone else offers input on what they want to do.  Now with the HyWy out of the picture for a while my indecisiveness has proven to be very difficult. 

Picture this as a typical Sunday afternoon when the HyWy was in town:

Me (as we walk back from Salsa by the Lake): What do you want to do tonight?

HW: I don't know.  What do you want to do?

Me: Well we could go see Harry Potter if you want.  Or we could chill at home, get ready for the week, etc.  It is a long movie and the next showing isn't until 830. 

HW: That's true I do want to see that.  But you're right I'm not sure I want to be out late b/c I have a big week ahead of me. [Ed. note: Alt response to follow] Yeah I know it's a long movie, but we really want to see it so let's just go tonight.

Now picture this same mental process without the HyWy:

Well I want to go see the movie.  But it's really late.  But I really want to see the movie.  But do I want to come home that late?  I could just go see the movie during the week.  But I don't have time this week.  But I want to see the movie.  AHHHH What do I do!?

I'm not saying that either of us makes the decisions about what we want to do as individuals, but rather sometimes it's easier to cop out and 'do what someone else wants' than making the decision myself.  Either way I have 2.5 months of making decisions on my own so I better get used to it. 

Table for one

With the HyWy off discovering the world there are obviously going to be some differences in my daily routine and life.  As I arrive at these realizations and observations I thought I would blog about them as an exercise in awareness.

Yesterday after I dropped her off at the airport I went into the city and had some breakfast.  I was at the breakfast place right when it opened and was quickly seated at the bar.  As I sat there watching and listening to the other solo diners I noticed a few things about my experience.  I think I have written about the experience of eating alone before, but I'm going to add to that.  First my meal goes by infinitely quicker when I'm eating by myself.  It's very easy to overlook how much of a restaurant experience is shaped by one's company.  If I don't have a book/newspaper to read I also wonder what I should do.  It's fun to people watch, but when you are facing a wall that is somewhat difficult to do without being obvious.  I've noticed that my day is quieter without anyone around and as a way to fill that space I call people more often. 

Bachelor Part 2

Today I dropped the HyWy off at the aiport to begin her journey.  I'm not sure how I feel right now.  I am feeling a combination of things including, but not limited to: excitement, anxiety, sadness, happiness, exhaustion, relief, and curiosity.  I did not include lonliness, because as she put it this morning there is a certain threshold of activity and time before lonliness sets in.  It may not set in.  It may come tomorrow.  It may come in a month.  I'm somewhat in fear of when it does come simply because of my last experience living on my own, in about 1998.  I know what all of you are saying...that was so long ago, you've changed so much since then, etc.  No doubt I have and it was.  However, the experience had such a profound impact on me and I have nothing to contrast it against it still scares me.  The differences between then and now are tremendous.  I have learned to cook.  Back then when I was in my dorm and first apartment, after my roommate was kicked out of school for grades, I ate less frequently.  This was mostly due to the fact that I didn't like to go to the dining hall by myself nor did I really know how to cook (save for quesadillas, pasta, and rice a roni).  I have a pretty solid schedule now.  Back then I was in college and while I had a schedule of classes I didn't have a schedule in my life.  During the week right now when the HyWy is around we usually come home from work, workout, cook dinner, and hang out.  There doesn't really have to be a major change to that.  I am more comfortable on my own.  In college when left on my own I didn't really know what to do (an odd thing for an only child).  Now with my eyes open to the options the choices are limitless (guitar lessons, books, concerts, climbing, running, exploring, etc.).  So as the HyWy has been saying and preparing me for this separation I think I've begun to agree with her.  It will be hard, but it won't be that bad. 

Understanding the back story

Tonight the HyWy and I had dinner with two college friends of my dad's.  I had met one of them, who had come from India, before, but this visit was different.  I'm sure during my previous meeting we had exchanged stories about my dad.  However, perhaps I am in a different place in my life, because this time around I felt more intrigued by these stories.  I've been fortunate to cross paths with many friends of my parents from before I was born and I enjoy these stories.  It occurred to me tonight as we learned about my mom's arrival into the US or my dad loaning someone cash for a car down payment that there is lot to be gained from these seemingly innocuous moments.  Not only are these stories very telling about a person's character, but they also offer a greater understanding of the backstory from where people come from. 

Here There and Everywhere

Right now I'm reading a book, Here There and Everywhere: My Life Recording the Beatles, and normally I would hold off reviewing it until I'm done.  However, with the majority of the book done I think my impression of the book will not significantly change.  This book is for one of two people: sound people or die-hard Beatles fans.  I am a part of the first group, who are people that find intricacies of the recording process and the innovations that came with recording the Beatles very interesting.  Die-hard Beatles fans will enjoy the trivial minutiae about everything the Beatles recorded between Revolver and the White Album (a few details about Abbey Road). 

What I have learned from this book is that while I certainly agree that the Beatles (mostly McCartney and Lennon) were great lyricists I don't know if they were equally good musicians.  I'm sure that I could get skewered for this in some circles, but I don't think the less than 10 readers of this blog will take too much offense to this statement.  Compared to their contemporaries of that time there were other musicians and groups that were in my opinion far greater among them Pink Floyd, Fleetwood Mac (the Peter Green incarnation), The Yardbirds, and The Rolling Stones (the original lineup).  I also feel like more than other groups the Beatles sound was tremendously improved by the engineers that worked on their albums.  Many of the techniques that are standard rules of thumb in the industry today were originated with the Beatles and it is these stories that I enjoyed most. 

Buen Viaje ~ Happy Travels!

So the HyWy has quit her job and will be traveling to Spain for about 2.5 months.  If all goes well and I have time off I would like to visit her, but we would also like to go to India this year and that is more important.  If you are curious about what she plans on doing on this endeavor hit her up for details. 

 

This post is more about my thoughts and feelings towards one of the knee jerk reactions people have upon hearing this news.  What will you do?  My favorite response was by the HyWy to her coworkers, "he'll figure something out...he had a life before me."  Knowing the HyWy well enough I know that she wasn't being crass or thoughtless, but speaking the truth.  To be honest I don't know what I will do, but then again how can I let my fears stop her from doing what she wants to do?  Many have said that they could not live without their significant others for that long.  I don't live under any presumption that this will be easy as it most certainly will not.  However, one of the main tenets of our relationship has always been that we will help each other grow.  Help each other grow by sharing new experiences OR by standing by on the sideline as one embarks on a new path.  As this plan has taken form I have 100% been beside her encouraging her to do this and take these steps, because this is the best time as we have savings and I'll still be here working.  I think it would be very unfair of me to hold her back now particularly after she has been so supportive of me in my pursuit of alternative interests.  Many have praised us for being brave and courageous to try this out.  I think in their hearts everyone would like to be able to do this, but circumstances (or life) often gets in the way.  I believe that if anyone had the opportunity to support their significant other on a journey like this then they would do so themselves, because that is what love is. 

 

I look forward to the joys and difficulties that may come with this knowing that in the end it will be for the greater benefit.