A glimpse of our future

It's funny how as we got closer to our delivery date several people told us how they hoped our kids did not turn out like X or Y's kids. In a few instances the people even went so far as to explain how much they hated said kids and how undisciplined they are. Yesterday I was at the gym and a family of three kids either very close in age or triplets came in a big three person stroller. While one child was climbing the others waited and one of them was wailing. I don't recall hearing a kid wail like that for a while and it went on for the better part of an hour. As the crying echoed through the gym I watched as people stared at the parents doing nothing.

I pondered our future. I know and I accept that people we know and don't know are not going to agree with our choices to raise our kid. What scares me is the possibility that people will think our kid is a crazy terror allowed to run rampant. How would I handle a bawling kid in the middle of a gym? The answers come slightly more easily when I consider just one kid, but everything changes if a second kid is added to the mix. In every instance of people bemoaning the madness of X and Y there are two kids. I don't know if that is the answer, but I'm sure it is not restricted to two kid households. I hope our kid is raised with the right balance of innocence, compassion, and awareness that they are not talked about in hushed tones.

The Waiting Game

The clock ticks and we try to wait patiently. Our life seems to be at a virtual standstill while everyone is flying past. However, the standstill is only our perception as the last nine months have flown by. This last week has come to a screeching halt and we crawl to the finish line. There feels like an endless list of things to do, but at the same time the most enjoyable moments are spent "wasting" an afternoon on the couch watching a movie and laughing until you cry at meaningless banter. I try to as present as I can, because I want to remember this week for the rest of my life. I want to remember waking up every time the HyWy would roll over to check if it was go time. I want to remember rubbing my face on her belly and marveling at how smooth it is. I want to remember the growing excitement over finally meeting the person who has spent every second of the last nine months with the HyWy. I want to remember the potent concoction of giddy nervous anxiety that I feel when I wonder how we are going to get through this roller coaster. Most of all I want to remember being present.

On grief

Juxtaposed with the birth of our child has been the passing of my coworker, Enock, whom I wrote about in the last post. The grief I have felt has been an interesting contrast to that felt for other pastings in our lives. When relatives or family friends have passed they are often people who know us very well. Relatives and friends are people that have been a part of our lives for years and sometimes decades. At the same time due to distance or life changes we don't see that much of each other, but that doesn't change how wonderful it is when we do meet. Conversely a coworker is someone who knows little of my personal life or past. However, we see each other everyday. We might only share a few meaningful conversations, but their presence is felt in our daily life with incredible consistency. When the relative passes the grief stems from the loss of someone who has been a long standing part of your life and feels like they will always be there when you visit. When the coworker passes the grief stems from the loss of someone who was always there just based on routine. In the end the feelings are very connected though rooted in different places.