The death of privacy

As the Internet, social media, and mobile media grow more ubiquitous privacy has slowly been dying.  We share more, like more, and connect more all the while making it increasingly easy for the outside world to know our whole background.

Last week a tragic accident made headlines in our area and the details of it are really unimportant.  The basics are that a young graduate student was involved in a DUI killing one individual.  The graduate student was arrested, will be tried for this crime, and will likely spend some significant time behind bars for it.  I completely agree that this was a very serious crime that should prosecuted to the fullest extent possible.  What I don't agree with is how amateur sleuths pepper the comment threads of articles on this accident with the 'public' details of this student.  Granted these details are readily available to anyone who searches, but they are irrelevant.  In the first article I read about this accident the comments thread revealed his undergraduate school, summer internships, and previous work experience.  I can only expect how quickly his friends, former coworkers, former classmates, or current classmates received correspondence regarding this situation.  Regardless of what someone does I don't think they deserve to have their lives turned inside out for the public to pass judgement on.  I think the relevant aspects of someone life can be made public, but that decision should be made by the legal system or journalists that theoretically subscribe to some sort of code of ethics.  At the same time though the full blame does not fall on the public for sniffing this information out, because it was made public in the name of networking by the individual.  In the end it's easy to create a very public profile to help one's career, but what happens after one mistake?

An unexpected apology

Recently after a break of a little over a year I rejoined a mentoring program that I volunteered with before the Little Man was born.  I took a break after he was born and had not seen any of the other volunteers since May 2012.  When I returned for my first day back I was met at the door by a volunteer who immediately recognized me and told me how glad he was that I had returned.  I was surprised by this and thanked him for the warm reception.  He then proceeded to tell me how he had been wanting to tell me for 2 years how bad he felt about a question he asked me when we first met.  We first met in September 2011 when I joined the program and evidently he asked me where I was from.  To me (then and now) that seems like such an innocuous question and I apparently answered it in just that manner by stating that I was "from" Oakland (where I lived at the time).  For two years he carried around the guilt of asking that question when what he meant was, "what is your background."  He was so passionate about his error that he told me if he had asked himself that question he would have wanted to punch himself.  I was stunned by both his passion and the fact that 2 years later he sought me out to immediately apologize. 

The end of the world

We saw Seeking a Friend for the End of the World last night.  The premise is exactly that as the story follows a character who passively seeks out someone to spend the final moments of humanity's existence with.  Watching how some of the minor and background characters handled the impending end of humanity got me thinking about what I would do.  Many people were travelling medium to long distances to be and visit with family one last time.  One couple was going to see family up and down the East Coast and spend a little time with each.  Another character talked about trying to make it back to England to be with her family.  Then of course there were the hedonistic views of the end with people eating, drinking, doing drugs, and having sex "without" consequence.  I say without in quotes, because in my mind even if the world is ending you still have your own ethics to be true to.  Of course some of these might be bent or broken given the circumstances (stealing food, perhaps, if needed to survive as social order breaks down), but having cheating to have meaningless sex doesn't seem to fit that bill.  In the end I decided while it would be nice to spend time with family it would also be hard to justify spending your remaining days running around, trying to make flights, fighting security at the airport, and being stuck with endless delays.  I would remain either in my home or in a childhood home surrounded by a space that is familiar to me.  Ideally I would be with the HyWy and the little guy, but failing that I would just try to find some comfort with people around me in our shared experience.  I don't think I would do anything extravagant or scratch things off an end of the world bucket list.  I would want to be somewhere peaceful so if wherever I live was ravaged by riots I would like to go somewhere more rural.  I guess what I'm saying is I would want normalcy and peace to surround me in the end.

The 'crime' of parenting

I read a story earlier today about two parents that changed their son's diaper on a chair at a Starbucks since a changing table was not available in the bathroom.  I'm not going to debate whether they behaved correctly or not, but rather the outcry that comes with parenting stories today.  The comments that people make inevitably take some form of 'they had the kid they should figure out how to manage/handle/navigate the situation.'  I don't think that society needs to cater to a parent's every needs, but some small conveniences really do help.  The self centered attitude of non parents alienates parents, but conversely the self centered attitude of parents causes non parents to push back.  We went for a hike the other day on a jogging/hiking/biking trail and we took a jogging stroller with us.  This stroller is meant for off road hiking/running and the trail was just wide enough for a single lane of traffic in both ways.  As we approached a narrow passage a biker came in the opposite direction and questioned our use of a 'stroller' on a hiking trail in a tone dripping with condescension.  I didn't hear it in time to give him a piece of my mind about bikes on a mostly jogging trail, but I was glad he was in the minority.  Every other biker we passed was perfectly pleasant.  We try not to inconvenience others when taking care of our little guy and as such it really bothers me when I'm made to feel like a criminal for just trying to have a normal life.  

Reality vs. Editing

I enjoy the television show The Amazing Race, because it's fun to see the exotic locations that they travel to, the challenges are interesting, and I like to think about the logistics involved in producing such a large scale show.  I understand that being a reality television show means that they use a heavy hand in editing the show to create 'stories'.  While not scripted the show needs drama and as such is edited in a manner that creates favorites and villains.  What scares me is how much the viewing public gets taken in by these tactics.  This season on the show there was a newlywed couple competing and after the season finale I was reading the various contestant Twitter pages.  The newlywed team had been very competitive and had a show no mercy type of attitude.  As a result of the on screen persona that they had developed I was shocked by the amount of Twitter hate they were receiving.  People were telling them how much they hated them, they hope they die in a hole, etc.  I know they weren't the nicest team, but I just couldn't believe how easily the audience fell into the trap of editing.  I doubt that any audience member would have behaved any differently if they had a million dollars on the line.  However, this anger towards contestants is what the networks seek.  An angry person returns for repeated viewings of the show to find out if and when their target of their hate is kicked off the show so they can rejoice.  The editing genius of reality shows didn't occur to me until a few seasons into Top Chef (reality cooking competition) and in end of the season retrospectives the most intense rivalries were revealed to be very trivial.  The most hated characters were revealed by their competition as being one of their best friends.  And so the veil was lifted off the illusion that is reality television.  

Chat and the new lingo

This is the second part in what is bound to be a multipart rant against technology.  I feel like a anti technology elder ranting against 'this new generation' when I write this, but I feel like my complaints are entirely valid.  

I cannot stand chatting or emailing with people who use the most inane 'abbreviations' or shortcuts for common terms.  For example, "wat", "howz", "v" (short for "we"), "dat", "hv", "b", "c", "r", and my all time worst "convo".  If you are having a text or chat conversation with me you certainly have the time to type out "be" instead of "b" or "are" instead of "r".  How incredibly lazy are the people of my generation that they can't be bothered to add a few characters to a word?  I can't have a serious conversation with someone when they write in that manner.  Imagine the following exchange between to working professionals:

Person A: Will u b able to deliver the project on time?

Person B: Dat's the goal, but u hv to c the data I hv.

A: Wats the problem?

B: V should meet 2 go over it.

I expect this out of middle or high schoolers, but I realized this was a problem when I would receive communications from relatives overseas in this language.  Growing up my relatives in India prided themselves on speaking British English and they were right they spoke better English than I did.  Today professionals have business communication in this manner and it's disgraceful.  I'm not saying every single person does, but this exists on a level that it should not.

GPS and the downfall of society

So GPS isn't really the downfall of society, but it certainly causes it's share of problems.  One of the things that I pride myself with is a sense of direction.  I can get lost in an area and have a general idea of where I need to go to get back on track.  I can go somewhere and have a good sense of how to return the way I came.  The other day a coworker received a set of printed directions and laughed that someone would give turn by turn directions in this day of the GPS.  We had a long conversation where I bemoaned the lack of directional knowledge particularly by the technology generation.  I can't stand when I call a business establishment to ask what exit they are off of or the nearest major freeway and people don't have an answer.  If you answer the phone at a business then the very first thing you should know is how to get to your place of employment.  My coworker mentioned what if it is their first day?  Doesn't matter.  They got themselves to work they can tell me.  My coworker went so far as to state that he couldn't give someone directions to the freeway from our office!  Here are directions to the freeway from our office: turn left out of the parking lot, at the traffic light turn right, turn right to get on the freeway going south, or go straight and turn left at the next light and get on the freeway going north.  His argument is that he doesn't need to know, because he has GPS.  When does he go anywhere that his cell phone doesn't get a GPS signal?  So everywhere he goes he gets coverage, but what if his phone dies?  What if he stumbles into an area without a signal?  If he gets lost his phone reroutes him.  What about the fact that the GPS on occasion gives a more cumbersome route?  The GPS is breeding a sense of complacency about directions in people, which is only going to increase as technology strengthens it's grip on our lives.  

Fatherhood vs Dadhood

As I sat on the couch weary eyed from lack of sleep clutching our little guy tightly against me in a futile attempt to get him to fall asleep my mind pondered the difference between being a father and being a dad. To me anyone can be a father, because this is a biological distinction bestowed upon the conception of a child. However, not all fathers are dads and not all dads are fathers. Earning the label of dad comes in the trenches of parenting maybe while changing diapers in a public restroom, it may come after consecutive nights of 3am wake up calls to soothe your little one back to sleep for an hour, or it may even come as you fight your teenager when they try to run with the wrong crowd. Whatever brings it the path is not easy and the distinction brings whatever glory you afford it. This led me to think about celebrities who may never have to change a diaper or stay up late with their kid and what they think makes a dad vs. a father. A dad knows what his kid smells like good or bad, a dad can tell when his kid is really hungry or just looking for some attention, and a dad exists in the trenches of parenthood at it's least appealing moments.  I don't mean to suggest that in order to be a dad you have to do all of the dirty work, but you need to be hands on.  I hope that those fortunate enough to have additional help with their kids still have the opportunity to be hands on and live as dads instead of only as fathers.